Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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