Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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