i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
