he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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