So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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