I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
