I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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