He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
If I had your ass I would rule the world
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
