Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
ttyl tear gas
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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