Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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