Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
