Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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