Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
