when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
