Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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