Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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