you're like a bully in the Christmas story
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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