I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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