Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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