8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
