Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
