You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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