and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
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I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
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So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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