We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
