My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
