idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
