How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
