Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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