you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
