I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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