Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
