Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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