out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My pussy is not your playground.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
