Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
