You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
