I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
