i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
