walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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