everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
