He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
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