I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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