Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
