I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Drunk is not a location!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
