I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
