By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
