The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
