Your face is a jimmy john
well I can't set my house on fire every night
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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