She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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