No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
