the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
