well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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