My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
