You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
