there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
