Dude my mom stole all your condoms
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
