Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
