bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
