Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize