I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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