I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
