What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Randomize
