16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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