i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I seem to have left my pride at pride
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
