Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Congratulations! We have a period
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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