I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize