i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
