after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Randomize
