your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
