dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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