...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
